expectation kills

i've been avoiding blog space for almost a year.
not that i dont have any interest in sharing anything but i've been avoiding from sharing my feelings and thoughts
i find it pretty annoying when i have a consistent stalker meddling in my life and keep spreading stupid rumors.
it pissed me off like hell..
yeah i've just said i tried to avoid as hard as i can.
i tried to take care of everyone's feelings.
i dont wanna hurt my loved ones..
but..
yeah there is always but!
they seems to be enjoying themselves in pissing me off..
and i cant help hating them with my utmost feelings..

for that,i hate myself back because i know deep inside,this is not the real me..
but my heart have been torn apart critically..
they keep hurting me day by day..
sometimes,i wonder, what fault did i do to them and their family?

nobody asked to be born lack with everything..
gosh man..
currently, all i can say is that..sampai mati aku tak kan dapat maafkan mereka sekeluarga...
atas setiap kata dusta yang disebarkan..
atas setiap penghinaan yang terhambur..
dan setiap rasa kesakitan yang dihadiahkan..
i hoped Allah will repay ur family as much as u gave us..
but i dont want Him to hurt my friend...
i just want Allah to show it to you..yes only you...and her..
but life always has different ways to pay for wrongdoings aite..
for my beloved friend,i always pray that he will be given strength..........

seriously,because all of you..
i dont even know myself anymore..
thank you for all the pain..
i'll try my best to live with all ur harsh words..
with tears in my eyes, i will continue smiling and continue walking my life..
i wont let myself be hurt anymore.. :(